The testing of your faith

"Beloved, do not be amazed and bewildered at the fiery ordeal which is taking place to test your quality, as though something strange (unusual and alien to you or your position) were befalling you. But insofar as you are sharing Christ's sufferings, rejoice, so that when His glory [full of radiance and splendor] is revealed, you may also rejoice with triumph [exultantly]" 1 Peter 4:12-13 Amplified Bible

Wow, I just read my last post. Little did I know of the trail that was about to come our way when I was writing that. I have a feeling this is going to be a really long post, so bare with me.... There are a few things that I want to make record of so that I don't forget.

First of all, let me do a recap of the last month plus. On March 2nd, our 3 year old son, Nathanael, finished a 7 day course of antibiotic for a double ear infection he had. He was taking amoxicillan. The next day was a Wednesday, and that morning I noticed a strange rash on the back of his ear and down his neck. By Friday it had continued to spread all over his body, and so I decided to take him in to urgent care to see what was going on. They told me is was most likely a reaction to the amoxicillin, and that is would clear up in about 4-5 days. The next day was one of my close friend's bridal shower, so the night before I was up pretty late getting ready. Around 11:30pm, I went in to check on the boy and he was warm, really warm. I took his temerature....103.8 under the arm, which meant his core temperature was 104.8. I then went to get some ibuprofen from the store and we put him in the bath and those both helped in lowering his temp. For the next few days he still was battling this fever, and it just wouldn't break. We thought maybe he had the flu or something like that. Monday morning came and we decided to take him to see the pediatrician, there they listened to his chest and knew something wasn't right. We were sent to go get a x-ray done. They x-ray showed he had pneumonia in his left lung. They gave him a shot of antibiotic, rosephin (sp?) and a nebulizer with breathing treatments to do every 4 hours. We were in shock. Pneumonia??? He had no signs of it, which was so strange. Regardless we were just dealing with the news and went home thinking it would get much better. His pediatrician also wanted us to come back the next day to get a repeat x-ray done to see how he was doing.

That night was still bad, really bad. He couldn't sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time. That morning was Tuesday, March 9th. My mom had come over to help and she asked me what seemed like a very obvious thing to ask. "Should he be feeling much better after yesterday?" And the awnser should have been yes, but it wasn't, and that is when I called to see if we could come in earlier. They suggested we go to Loma Linda Childrens Hospital. We took him to the ER, and I will try to keep this as short as I can.....There the did an x-ray again, and that afternoon we found out he had a severe pneumonia of his left lung, and empyema. Empyema is when the the fluid leaks out from the infection into the surrounding cavity of your lung. By the next morning they decided to do a VATS procedure, which is a video assisted thoracoscopic surgery. By that afternoon he was going in for surgery to get all the fluid out, and then would have a chest tube for any extra fluid that needed to drain out. He had the surgery done, it went really well. While he was in surgery, family and friends that were there with us all had such a sweet time in prayer, just leaning on our Savior. Even now, remembering back to that point, it was hard, so so so hard. I can't even describe to you the heaviness I felt on my heart during that time. When Steve and I went to go see him in recovery, the first thing he said was "I love you mom". I'll never forget that moment.

After that it was recovery time, and just waiting to see if any of the cultures they took grew anything so that they could know what bacteria to target with the antibiotics. Forgive me because I started losing track of the days. I believe it was Saturday or Sunday we found out nothing had grown, so they had to keep him on both antibiotics he was on. We also were told that he had c-diff, a stomach infection that you can get from being on a lot of antibiotics, so he had to be in isolation and couldn't leave the room. After the chest tube was removed, he started having fevers again. So we were battling the fevers once again. At that time Infectious Disease Specialists got involved, and they thought it best to keep him on the antibiotics he was on and to add a third one. After they added the third one the fevers started going down, they were gradually getting better, and that takes us to Friday, March 19th. Thay said we would most likely be discharged by the following Monday if his fevers didn't spike again. We were excited and ready to go home. That Saturday, March 20th, was our 6th wedding anniversary. We got to go out for a couple of hours, but our minds were still back at the hospital.

Monday came, and we were going home, yay!!! Nathanael had a picc line in so he could continue his course of antibiotics at home for two more weeks. While at the hospital they trained me on how to give them to him. I was prepared to have it be somewhat like having a newborn for the next two weeks. We were home Monday evening through Friday morning, when Nathanael broke out in a rash from head to foot. I couldn't get ahold of his pediatrician so it was off to the ER again. I figured he was having an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics. It was pretty scary, see him break out like that and start to swell. In the ER they decided to switch one of the meds. The one they thought he was having a reaction to. We were admitted again because his white blood cell count was down. So we were back in the hospital for at least the weekend. Saturday morning he had a reaction again, and in the afternoon they wanted to pre-medicate him with Benaydryl and Atterax to see if that would help. It didn't, that was the worst reaction he had up until that point. It was horrible, so we decided to stop that antibiotic as well. And he started on another one that night. Oh and I forgot they pulled his picc line to see if he had infection. So then we were at Tuesday, March 30. He was given a new picc line and was going to go home we thought that day on two antibiotics to finish off his course. We thought wrong. They came back with his blood tests results and they weren't the numbers they wanted to see. I was bummed to say the least. They thought he might possibly have a virus which comes out in a rash, and said we wouldn't see those results until Friday. So we were staying there, possibly for Easter weekend. That night he started itching really bad again after a completely new antibiotic. By that time I was done with the whole thing. He was doing really well, except for these reactions he was having. I just wanted the antibiotics to be done with. I knew they were necessary for the infection in his lung to be wiped out but I hated that he was having to go through all of this. I asked Wednesday morning if they could be stopped and Nathanael be monitored to see how he would do. We waited all day, and that afternoon we were given the news that his blood work came back normal. Everything looked good, and he didn't need to finish the antibiotics! They pulled the picc line again and we got to go home. He has been fever free since Saturday, the 27th. He had a follow up appointment yesterday and still sounds good in his lungs. So far so good :) We got to spend Easter at home as a family.

Okay, now that I have record of all that took place, actually there was alot more, but I'll spare all of those details. Now I wanted to take record of all that the Lord did during this time. First things first, I have come to see how weak and frail my faith is. I am human, and although I didn't ever doubt God during this time, I surely became reliant on myself. Time and time again I discovered that I didn't have the strength enough to get through. My flesh failed. God did not fail, He can not fail. Another important lessons learned, that the body of Christ is phenomenal. The prayers that were offered up on behalf of Nathanael and us all, were astounding. What a blessing to be apart of something so wonderful. I will never be able to thank everyone that has prayed for us during this time, but I pray many blessings on all that did. And if you were one of those who uttered sweet prayers up to God and you are reading this now thank you so very much. You are precious and your prayers are precious. I also realized the importance of prayer together, in one accord.

The Lord really spoke to me through song during this time and I want to share a couple of times he did. The first time was when we were sitting in the hospital room and we had the christian radio station on, and a song that was playing said this, "He is with you in the ICU, when the doctors don't know what to do, He is with you." This brought me to tears because it couldn't have been more true. One day as Nathanael lay sleeping in the ICU hospital bed, I had a vision, a picture of Jesus sitting right there with us. He was sitting on the foot of the hospital bed with his back towards me and his hand laying gently on Nathanael's leg. He was with us!!!!! The second time was the last Tuesday when we were supposed to be going home, and Nathanael"s blood work came back abnormal, and they said we would have to stay. That morning when I was waiting outside the room while the were giving him another picc line, I remembered Psalm 121. I put it on my facebook status because I just couldn't get it out of my mind. "I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Later that evening I left to go home for a couple of hours. I was at the end of my rope, my strength had failed again, but then God stepped in. The whole drive home my radio was turned down, but when I turned it up this song was playing....

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in


I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You


'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now


"I will lift my eyes" by Bebo Norman I will try to add these two songs to my play list on here so you all can hear them too.

It was gorgeous day and the mountains were so visible and beautiful that day. My help comes from the one who created those mountains, and created my Nathanael too. A peace that could only come from the Creator, came over me. It was glorious. My God is glorious.

So here we are at home, almost for a week now. Still I am dealing with fears that come and go, just a constant reminder of how feeble I am, and how much in need of a Savior I am. 2 Corinthians 12:9